his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
