just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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