I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Your penis caused this!
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