walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my shit smells like andre
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
