is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it because I queefed?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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