He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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