my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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