You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
