You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
