you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
