i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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