I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
