Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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