she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dont even know how to be here
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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