I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
