guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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