Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
