From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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