Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You have to summon your inner elephant
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
