Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
