Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
