when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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