Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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