i permit you to call me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
