Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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