When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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