Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
