dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
