I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
