if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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