did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
