I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
