Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Green mimosas i think yes
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
