you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can I color on your dick again?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
