Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
