omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
