he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
