By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
