I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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