I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
