take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
