We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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