you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
