also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
