I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize