woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
