i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
