I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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