He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
