Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
