True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
