the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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