Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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