I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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