you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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