i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
