Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
