We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
