You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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