I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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