god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize