"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
