That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
