i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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