That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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