Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
