Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
