So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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