she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
