some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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