My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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