No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
