ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
