im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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