hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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